When Alves signed for Boro he was greeted by a 'Samba party' at the Riverside, featuring 'traditional Brazilian dancers' who were most likely based in Burnley, or somewhere.
To add to the cringe factor, Alves was then asked by a number of journalists if the festivities made Middlesbrough feel like home?
Of course it did, I mean I'm sure Alves never leaves his house without a pair of dancers and entourage and a barrage of photographers, journalists and a couple of hundred fans who had called in sick to be there!
A bemused Alves used his interpreter to say 'Er no, not really!'
And it is not just when players arrive that they have to suffer this kind of stereotyping.
Journalists love this stuff, it gives us a chance to show off our punning prowess and our grasp of foreign languages. But it requires little imagination.
Any goal from Tuncay is referred to as a 'Turkish delight' and I saw at least three articles on Aliadiere's move to the Riverside called "Je ne regrette rien".
But then stereotypes and clichés become so because they are generally true, and the world of football is no exception.
Robert Huth when fully fit is German efficency personified. Known to his team mates as 'the German' referred to by the media as 'the Berlin Wall' he is strong and generally silent. Away from football he is articulate and intelligent but (probably as a dare and/or bet) still responded to the question "How does it feel to be back?" with "Its mint!" on MOTD.
Jeremie Aliadiere is interesting in that he is French but spent a large part of his adolescence at Arsenal's academy.
Despite his strong cockney accent and a diamond jewellery collection any rapper would be proud of, he will greet you with 'Allo' and pronounces goal 'gaol'.
When I asked him if it was helpful to have Didier Digard, a fellow Frenchman in the team, however, he looked affronted and retorted "I have been in England for the past ten years!"
But no-one does distain like the French. A skill usually best employed by Parisian waiters the French have a special line in a glare which distinctly says "I'm so disgusted with you that you are dead to me now" Various referees, Alves and most recently Southgate have earned this look from Jeremie this season!
Franck Queudrue was constantly referred to as 'French Franck' while Brad Jones immediately took up the mantle of being called 'skippy' after fellow Aussie Schwarzer left the Boro. He has also been subjected to 'G'day Brad' everyday for the past ten years from good natured staff at Rockliffe Park.
When he pointed this out to a member of MFC staff she looked a bit a crestfallen and said "Oh, well what do you say when you answer the phone?"
To which Jones gave her a withering look and said "Hello".
Emmanuel Pogatetz is a wonderful mix of hard as steel on the pitch and a true gentleman off it. Only his Terminator accent blurs the lines between the two personas.
David Wheater, 'the Redcar Rock' does spend his free time smashing blocks of ice with his head but he does not go to the bingo every night, I'd wager he doesn't spent much time eating lemon tops on Redcar beach and he wasn't even in Atonement!
The latter misconception was written in tabloids and nationals with free abandon as fact because nobody thought to check it!
Wheater himself put that particular inaccuracy to bed on Bob Fischer's Gobstopper radio show.
Besides which, gardening shows and some light baking are much more up Wheater's street.
Even footballers are far more complicated than these media stereotypes would suggest but like I said, we love this stuff and a good pun will usually take precedence over a little thing like accuracy in reporting. Frankly the world of football would be a much duller place without them, so long live the pun, let's salute the literary allusion and say 'merci' for the stereotype.
First published on www.ComeOnBoro.com on 17/3/2009
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