Last week the feedback I received regarding my column was that it was somewhat depressing. Well, they say write what you know and after the West Brom match my outlook was not positive.
Lucky for you though, I had a good weekend. Boro won and fun and frolicks were had in some good old Boro nightclubs.
So I'm going to write about goal celebrations. A fairly ironic subject given Boro's lowly goal difference I'll grant you but there you go.
As a team we do not excel at the intricate or elaborate celebrations but we do revel in pure joy at any goal scored.
It may be that we so rarely score these days that a kind of temporary fever of shock kicks in and petty differences are forgotten but when any Boro player scores, we celebrate as one.
While our pre-match American style huddles look forced and awkward, true team spirit can be seen when we score.
Elsewhere in football, goal celebrations, like the players, come in all shapes and sizes. Six foot plenty (great phrase I stole from a match commentator the other day) striker Peter Crouch re-popularised the 'Robot' or at least had a good go at doing so!
Players of a more diminutive stature such as Tim Cahill often jump on team mate's backs and footballers big or small enjoy getting squashed at the bottom of a heap of their team mates...
And celebrations are often tailored to the occasion. Rarely does a player become a father without his team rates 'rocking the cradle' when he scores. Incidentally most players, even those who only score every couple of seasons, seem to be able to find the net to commemorate the birth of their child. Once again I lament the fact that most of our players seem to become fathers in pre-season!
There are also ill advised celebrations such as Robbie Fowler's infamous 'snorting' incident and more recently David Norris' 'handcuff' gesture.
Players of African origin sometimes treat us to some hip swivelling dancing and there is an endless array of poses to erect to display your dominance.
Because that is after all what it is all about. A curiously primal need to show off, as if the goal itself wasn't quite enough.
By far my favourite celebration is the shirt over the head, running round the pitch one.
Now I'm sure at this point there will be several readers who are thinking 'Oh yes Elle and we wonder why that is!" with comically arched eyebrows.
But get your minds out of the gutter people because my reasons have nothing to do with the display of naked flesh.
However I do find it strange that such displays are now 'against the rules' in football.
Having scoured the FA Handbook online (a tedious document filled with council meetings for some reason!) I have yet to find a rule that states that players running around with their shirts over their heads having scored is offensive to anyone and yet it is an automatic yellow card.
Recently Nicklas Bendtner was booked for showing his naked torso. Personally I would have let him off since he was sporting the 'Nike Mercurial Vapor IV Berry Pink' football boots, possibly the pinkest boots in existence and was still in one piece!
The shirt over the head celebration was most popular on Teesside with Boro legend/pariah Fabrizio Ravanelli.
It combined the pure childish glee of scoring with the display of dominance and masculinity that such an occasion demands.
It was a goal celebration which children could and did emulate in parks and playgrounds around the world.
ComeOnBoro.com Editor Andy Morgan postulates that the reason for the change in the rules is to accommodate the growing investment from the middle east.
He may be right, but football is an international game and while I don't wish to offend anyone I find it very odd that players who often swap shirts at the end of the match cannot take them off in celebration if they so choose.
And it is not just taking your shirt off that will make you see yellow, you also have to be very careful about where you are looking if you are going to point to your club badge.
Kissing your badge if you happen to be facing your former fans a la Wayne Rooney will earn you a caution, whereas kissing it to show your devotion to the club you have stayed at after demanding double your exorbitant wages (Lampard) or failing to make the deal you wanted elsewhere (Adebayor) is merely hypocritical.
Standing still after scoring against your old team, a la Mark Viduka last season, will not take away the sting of the betrayal but it is done to show respect to the fans who used to adore you.
Running towards opposing fans in a goal celebration is frowned upon, again for allegedly inciting the crowd. Inciting them to do what precisely? If you scoring against their team didn't provoke them to violence then why should you running past them get them all hot under the collar?
Basically rubbing it in is not allowed anymore, and yet that is the purpose of the majority of the fan's banter. Classics such as "Shall we win a cup for you?" - usually sung to the Geordies, and the ever popular "Who the f**king hell are you?" are very obviously designed to wind up opposition fans and players alike.
Prior to Saturday's match, Boro's last league goal scored by anyone except Afonso Alves was Jeremie Aliadiere's exquisite header against his former club Arsenal.
The goal was his response to the frustration at the Gunners chanting "Who the F**king hell are you?" at him. He then ran the length of the pitch screaming "F**cking Middlesbrough" and pointing at his badge for those who couldn't hear or lip-read!
Alves seems to have finally hit his much longed for striking form and although he has yet to create his own unique celebration, seeing those mean and moody features break into a smile is enough and as long as he keeps scoring the fans will do the celebrating for him.
But we are a bit out of practice.
One of my friends expressed the confusion many of us were feeling when he said "We won, I don't know what to do when we win!"
My answer was to display my club's colours by wearing hand-made (by my sister) MFC earrings.
How players choose to express their joy and in some cases relief at scoring is probably indicative of their personalities in the same way some fans choose to wear outrageous costumes and others sit quietly in the back but it is the goals that matter.
Oh and on a more personal note, if anyone picked up a Boro earring in the Empire on Saturday night, it's safe return will be rewarded with erm, a smile and a hug? - there's a recession going on you know!
First published on www.ComeOnBoro.com on 26/1/2009
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