Football is often heralded as a universal language, and in many ways it is, mainly because it has its own language. Euphemisms and cliches are the order of the day. You would be hard pushed to find a pre or post match interview which didn't contain some or all of the following phrases: 'Week in week out' 'To be fair' 'At the end of the day' and 'A game of two halves'.
All these phrases are pretty self explanatory, but there is also a tendency in football to say the exact opposite of what you mean, state the absolutely obvious and even create expressions such as Sir Alex Ferguson's "Squeaky bum time" and Soccer AM's "Bouncebackability".
With this in mind here is a brief look at some of the most over-used phrases in football, and what they actually mean!
Management:
"I didn't see it." = "It was a blatant foul but as it was committed by one of my players, I am lying through my teeth."
"I have 100% confidence in my manager" = "We have already hired his replacement!" - But nobody told Gibson.
"Promising player" Said by scouts = "He did something fancy on You Tube and we spent the scouting trip in the hotel bar"
"Promising" Said by managers or coaches = "Not good enough yet"
Media:
"Understands." = "Needs new content and in the absence of an actual story wild speculation will do"
"Has a professional relationship with" = "Hates his guts"
"Mutual consent" = "kicked out"
"World Class" = Sometimes means "World Class", More often than not means "Half decent compared to everyone else who was awful"
"Fantastic match" = "Involved one or two of the top four and even if it was rubbish we are going to sell it!"
Players:
"New challenge" = "More Money"
"Not nice" = "Excruciating". Either refers to physical pain eg injuries or the mental torment of losing/getting relegated.
"It is just not happening" = "We are not playing well but would rather play rugby than admit it!"
"Not mentally ready" = "Can't be bothered" (Mido!)
"I definitely felt contact" = "He was nowhere near me"
"It would mean a lot to beat them"= "We f**king hate them!"
"A very good team" = Either "But not as good as us" or "This is a massive understatement and they are going to kill us!"
"A dream move" = "I must be dreaming because the money I'm on now is ridiculous"
"I don't dive" = "Except then"
There are many more examples of spin, verbal subterfuge and blatant lying that are employed by those in all aspects of the football and they form the language of the beautiful game. See how many you hear this with regards to this weekend's football...
First published on www.ComeOnBoro.com on 16/4/2009
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